


The Edge Of The Night

by wayfindering



Series: Towards The Sun - The First Year [7]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: A lil fluff, Anxiety, Cuddling, Darkness, Established Relationship, Grounding, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, RikuRoku - Freeform, never let you fall, of course they have trauma, rikurokuweek, rikurokuweek2019, roxas almost doesn't swear at all in this one, these kids have been through so much okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-10-03 21:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20459573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayfindering/pseuds/wayfindering
Summary: Roxas could be processing all this trauma better, but it's okay; the first time he has a full-blown panic attack, Riku is there to help him.





	The Edge Of The Night

**Author's Note:**

> rikuroku week 2019 || day 6 prompt - never let you fall

Threads of pure darkness wove their way up Roxas’s hands, tendrils of inky black shooting out of the pool in front of him and twisting, writhing as they wound around his wrists and moved inexorably up his arms. They pulled him to his knees.

Roxas yanked and shouted, fighting against their hold but there was no give. He wasn’t strong enough. He tried again to summon his keyblade—any keyblade—but even Oblivion couldn’t reach him here.

_ “Mine,” _ a gravelly, slippery voice said from above him. Vanitas.

“No!” Roxas spat at the ground, refusing to look up. “Never!”

“Never?” Vanitas cackled, sharp and sudden. “Your heart is weak and your mind is weaker. Once I break you, you won’t ever want to leave my side.”

“You wish!”

“Oh, I don't have to—look how easily the darkness consumes you,” Vanitas said. “It’s almost like you  _ want  _ this. But don’t worry,” a gloved hand reached down and Roxas felt a fingertip caress his jaw, “I won’t let it take you completely; it wouldn’t be fun if my toy didn’t have at least a  _ little _ fight left.”

Roxas struggled harder, desperation in every ragged sob, but the creeping dark had wrapped itself around his shoulders, around his neck, squeezing until it drove the last cry from him. Panic set it—the constricting ropes of darkness curled around his chest and  _ squeezed. _

He couldn’t breath, he couldn’t  _ breathe, he couldn’t— _

“—wake up! Roxas!”

Roxas gasped and opened his eyes. Riku, that was Riku’s voice. Riku’s hand on his arm. Riku’s heart next to him. Concern glimmered in it, but not fear. Had it been a nightmare?

Sweat-damp sheets. Muted glow of fairy-lights on the ceiling. His room. But he still couldn’t breathe. Why couldn’t he breathe?

He sat up and scrabbled for the blankets, twisted around his legs, pulling them off—too much like darkness, tangling, trapping him.

Air, he needed air. He gasped but the pain lancing through his chest cut off his attempt. Everything was wrong. He was still going to die. It wasn’t safe, it wasn’t—

“Roxas,” Riku’s voice was low and warm, a confusing contrast to the frantic scurry of thought and terror, “it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

Riku’s hands were on his shoulders, then, turning him slightly so they were face to face, Riku sitting on the edge of his bed.

Roxas looked everywhere but those eyes; he wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t think he could handle it. He opened his mouth to respond but nothing came out.

“You’re having a panic attack, okay? That’s what this is,” Riku said, calm but urgent.

Panic? He knew he had some anxiety, when he let himself remember. And he’d panicked before. It didn’t feel like this.

He shook his head, the world tilting unsteadily, and grabbed at Riku’s elbows but missed, fisting his hands into the blanket around his legs.

It wasn’t panic, it was still the darkness binding him—Riku had to know, he had to sense it, right? But if Riku didn’t sense it, maybe...

“You’re not in danger. Not from your nightmare, not from anything else. I know it feels like you are, but this is just a panic attack. It’s normal. It’s okay. I’m here, and you’re safe. I promise.” His voice was slipping into a steady, quiet whisper.

Panic. Okay. Panic attack. He could trust Riku. Fuck panic attacks, then. He kept trying and failing to breathe as curses swirled in his head.

“You’re still breathing,” Riku continued. “I need you to know that. There’s still air here. You’re still breathing.”

Somehow he knew that Roxas needed the repetition.

“Feel your chest; it’s still rising and falling. You’re not hyperventilating. The air is pushing your chest out, and back in, shifting your shirt against your sides.”

Roxas nodded. Some of the frantic chaos raging behind his eyes dropped away. Once he focused on the breathing, it got easier. That was dumb. He shouldn’t have to focus on breathing. Riku didn’t seem to think it was dumb, though.

“Feel my hands on your shoulder, feel the textures shift on your skin as I drag them down your arms. Can you focus on that? My hands on your wrists.”

Riku’s thumbs were rubbing soft circles onto the inside of Roxas’s wrists, occasionally slipping back up across the sensitive skin on his forearms and down again. It was soothing and the awful vibrating fear coursing down his back quieted to a tremble.  _ Breathe. _

Colour started to come back into the room. The air was working. He was safe. He was home. Just a nightmare. His body had just betrayed him and tension still coiled in every muscle but he was safe for now. Roxas nodded, not quite sure at what.

“Can you do something for me? It’s called a grounding exercise. It helps,” Riku said.

“How do you know—“ Roxas started, but stopped when his voice came out broke and rough, scratching his raw throat.

“Do this with me first, okay?” He waited until Roxas nodded again. “Tell me what you smell.”

“I—I smell you,” Roxas whispered, not sure where this was going. Riku smelled like soap and laundry detergent and peppermint and home. Like usual.

“And tell me what you hear,” Riku said, still tracing circles lightly up and down Roxas’s wrists with calloused fingertips, coaxing his hands open until his fists relaxed. That felt nice. Riku had better not stop.

“Your breathing. Xion snoring next door. A couple birds, somewhere out the window?” It must be close to first light, if there were birds. Roxas would be exhausted later if he didn’t get back to sleep.

He blinked. His brain was working properly again. He focused on the tightness in his hunched shoulders and it relaxed further than he thought, almost sending him falling over forward into Riku. That sounded like a good idea anyway, so he let himself collapse the rest of the way, forehead pressed into a thin t-shirt over a well-toned chest. Nice.

“Better?” Riku mumbled, his breath brushing across Roxas’s sleep-tousled hair.

“Yeah. Thanks.” Roxas hummed into Riku’s chest.

The soft touches on his arms stopped and a second later strong arms bundled him close, holding him tight. Roxas took a deep breath and let it out slowly, curling his arms around Riku’s middle and burying them in the shirt at his back. Everything was fine.

“That sucked,” he mumbled into the fabric.

“Yeah, it does,” Riku agreed, chest rumbling with his words. “But it’s okay. I used to get them a lot, you know.”

“I know you’re the one who introduced us to fairy lights and peppermint candles,” Roxas said, some pieces coming together about Riku’s odd habits. “And you do that a lot, don’t you? Grounding?”

“Yeah. It helps. My mind stays in the present while my body figures out how to work right again.” Riku shrugged slightly, arms shifting against Roxas. “You can do it yourself; you just find textures or colours or whatever sense works for you. Breathing, sometimes. Something to focus on.”

“Someone touching you?” Roxas asked softly, rubbing his hand up and down Riku’s back.

“That, too. It can be easier to come back when someone else is helping you.”

“Mm,” Roxas hummed, sinking into his boyfriend.

In the wake of the panic, every bone in his body felt like jelly. Like he could sleep for a year. Hopefully without nightmares.

“Is it,” he sighed. “is it childish to still be afraid of stuff, after everything we’ve been through, Riku?”

“Not at all. You can’t expect yourself to be perfect; nobody else does.”

“Yeah, sure. I’m a fucking Keyblade Master, now, though. And it’s not all the time. But somewhere in me, I...think I’m still dealing with shit. And I’m not great at that. It’s easier to deal with other people’s shit.” He groaned. “Way easier.”

Riku chuckled and the vibrations were contagious; Roxas found himself smiling in response. “Tell me about it.”

“Yeah, I guess you’d know.”

“It’s why we have each other. Your heart is all you, but it’s been through a lot. It’s okay to need help.” Riku held Roxas tighter, leaning into him and pressing his face into Roxas’s hair. “I’ve got you, okay? Through panic attacks and everything else. You’re not going to fall into the darkness on my watch.”

Tears pricked at Roxas’s eyes and he decided he was way too tired to fight them, letting them slip out and silently stain Riku’s shirt. Typical Riku, sappy gestures and promises.

“You—you too,” he managed. This was always so much easier in reverse.

“Want me to stay?” Like that was even a question.

“Duh.”

They settled back into Roxas’s bed and Roxas curled into Riku, laying half on top of him as usual. Riku always said he was like a cat. Roxas figured he should look up what a cat was one of these days in case he needed to beat up his boyfriend for saying so.

“We should also get you a heavier blanket,” Riku muttered, mostly to himself, as he pulled the coverlet up over the two of them.

Roxas just nodded his agreement into Riku’s shoulder and closed his eyes. Riku's heartbeat against his ear echoed the rhythm of his heart's aura--relief, peace. Roxas's heart was slowly melding into the same.

The birds were getting louder, faint light filtering through the edges of his curtains, but he didn’t care; he was going to sleep in until he felt like getting up, and everyone else could suck it.

“Goodnight,” Riku said, prompting their usual exchange.

“Love you,” Roxas replied, on autopilot now, voice slurring as he yawned.

The last thing he remembered before he drifted into unconsciousness was Riku‘s voice whispering, “Love you, too.”


End file.
